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Congratulations, Julia Roberts, and you, too, Mr. Julia Roberts, on the
birth of your twins, little Hazel and Phinnaeus. But our joy over your
blessed event is tempered by a couple of questions. To wit: Hazel? And, more
important, Phinnaeus? We know we don't live in a "John" and "Mary" era
anymore, that the traditional honor-thy-ancestors naming consensus of
previous generations has collapsed under the weight of all those Caitlins
and Connors and Briannas. But Phinnaeus and Hazel?Hazel is retro by at least
a couple of generations. The world stopped having Hazels around the time it
stopped having Berthas and Gladyses and Mildreds. The last time Hazel was
heard from was 1961, when Shirley Booth played a busybody maid of that name
in a sitcom of that name, based on a cartoon strip of that name. Phinnaeus
is even more retro, as in Old Testament retro, and more obscure than such OT
running mates as Methuselah and Obadiah.
But that's probably the point. Celebrity baby names these days are very ...
different. We say this not to pass judgment, but to point out one more way
celebrities are not like the rest of us.
The list keeps growing. Demi Moore and Bruce Willis are the parents of Rumer
Glenn, Scout LaRue and Tallulah Belle. Gwyneth Paltrow and Coldplay singer
Chris Martin recently begat Apple. Sylvester Stallone sired Sage Moonblood
and Sistine Rose. Courteney Cox Arquette and David Arquette are the proud
parents of Coco. Singer Erykah Badu -- herself on the celebrity all-name
team -- has a child named Puma. John Travolta and Kelly Preston named their
boy Jett. Christie Brinkley's youngest is a girl named Sailor. The late rock
star Michael Hutchence and the late Paula Yates named their daughter
Heavenly Hiraani Tiger Lily. Long-ago rock star Bob Geldof and then-wife
Yates named their daughter Fifi Trixabelle. Soccer star David Beckham and
Victoria "Posh Spice" Adams' brood includes Brooklyn, Romeo and a soon-to-be
wee one who reportedly may be dubbed San Miguel. Supermodel Claudia Schiffer
has a girl named Clementine, as does Cybill Shepherd. Rob Morrow, of
"Northern Exposure" quasi-fame, dubbed his baby Tu, as in Tu Morrow.
We'd mention that Michael Jackson named one of his children Prince Michael,
but this seems like the least Out There thing about Michael Jackson.
It was not always thus. Sure, back when, Sonny and Cher had Chastity, and
Frank Zappa famously named his kids Moon Unit, Dweezil, Ahmet Emuukha Rodan
and Diva. But for the most part, stars of an earlier generation tended to
name their children the way everyone else did.
Buddy Hackett's son was named Sandy. Leonard Nimoy's boy was Adam. The
daughter of Larry Harmon (Bozo the Clown) was Lori, and the son of actor
James Darren ("Time Tunnel,"Gidget's" Moondoggie) was also Jim. The most
exotic it got was the daughter of '50s B-movie and TV cowboy Guy Madison.
His daughter was named Dolly. I imagined that long after everyone had
forgotten who Guy Madison was, his daughter was enduring wisecracks about
First Ladies and snack cakes.
Which raises the question about contemporary celebrity kid names: Isn't it
hard enough being the child of a celebrity without having to endure
additional commentary about one's unusual name? Hi, everyone, my name is ...
Heavenly Hiraani Tiger Lily?
Psychologist Cleveland Kent Evans, who studies names and their social
effects, says the unusual-name trend among celebrities is a kind of
self-reinforcing phenomenon. "I don't think of these names as coming just
from celebrities so much as coming from creative celebrities, or at least
those that want to be thought of as creative," he says. "It's the musicians
and actresses and to some extent the visual artists who give those sorts of
names to their children. You don't find the politicians and athletes giving
names like that to their kids."
Apparently true. Sen. John and Elizabeth Edwards' youngest children, for
example, are the pleasantly pedestrian Jack and Emma Claire. Hockey great
Wayne Gretzky and actress wife Janet Jones have Ty, Trevor, Tristan and
Paulina. Former heavyweight boxing champ and low-fat-grilling tycoon George
Foreman was creatively uncreative (or maybe it's the other way around) in
naming five of his 10 children George.
Brown University Prof. emeritus Lewis Lipsitt, an expert in human
development, says children's names can have social consequences, both
positive and negative, but that this is generally less important to their
well-being than other factors, such as their relationship with their
parents. He speculates that unusual names are a way to give a celebrity's
child "a chance to be distinctive in [the child's] own right instead of just
being known as [Celebrity X's] child."
As for being teased on the playground or in the classroom, that's far less
likely when every other child in your exclusive private school is an Apple
or a Rumer.
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