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"The Green Hornet"
began as a popular radio show in the 30s and was a short-lived TV show in the
60s. Now a big screen version of "The Green Hornet" arrives and it pisses me
off.
This big screen adaptation of "The Green Hornet" has been plagued with problems
and bad press. Back in 2008 I was actually excited by the prospect of Asian
superstar Stephen Chow helming the project and taking on the role of the Green
Hornet's sidekick Kato. Chow would have had the right blend of comedy, action,
and innovation to make this franchise fresh for a new generation. But "creative
differences" eventually forced him to leave. That was the first thing about this
film that pissed me off -- it lost a talented person who could have brought the
skills necessary to make the adaptation a success. Based on what's up on the
screen now, though, Chow should count himself lucky.
"The Green Hornet," in case you have forgotten the premise, involves Britt Reid
(Seth Rogen), the heir to a newspaper empire. When Britt's father dies, he takes
over the paper and tries to find some direction in what has been a life of
partying. He decides (unconvincingly in this film) to become a crime fighter
with the assistance of his dad's mechanic Kato (Asian pop star Jay Chou).
"The Green Hornet" delivered by director Michel Gondry and co-writer/star Seth
Rogen reveals everything that can go wrong with a big budget superhero film.
Although technically not a comic book film (there were "Green Hornet" comics but
the character did not originate in a comic), the film will likely be lumped in
with all the Marvel and DC films filling the studio slates. It also provides a
list of all the things that can go wrong.
First, you need to have some affection and maybe even some reverence for the
source material for a superhero film to work. The best superhero films – The
first two Superman films, "Spider-Man 2," "Hellboy," Christopher Nolan's Batman
films – were made by filmmakers who had a love for the comics and the characters
they were adapting to the screen. I sense none of that from either Gondry or
Rogen. "The Green Hornet" seems nothing but a joke to them. A good sense of
humor is vital but not if it's at the expense of the original material. Rogen
and Gondry -- coming across as smug hipsters slumming in the comic
book/superhero genre -- reveal no sense of respect and just look at everything
as mere comic fodder for cheap laughs. This is like a sitcom superhero film; all
it's missing is a canned laugh track to make sure we get all the funny bits.
Richard Donner, Sam Raimi and Guillermo Del Toro are geeks in the best sense of
the word and well suited to bringing a superhero to life on the screen. They
weren't condescending to work in this genre, they relished it. Gondry, who does
better with his own quirky material as in "Tokyo!" or "Eternal Sunshine of the
Spotless Mind," is simply all wrong to do this adaptation.
Second, you need to endow your superheroes with some kind of charisma or appeal.
The 1978 "Superman" succeeded on almost entirely on the appeal and charm of
Christopher Reeve as the Man of Steel. He made us believe a man could fly and
could say "swell" and mean it. But neither Rogen nor Jay Chou as the Green
Hornet's sidekick Kato is anywhere near that appealing. Plus, as the characters
are written, they are unlikable. There's a running gag about Reid sexually
harassing his secretary. The problem is it's a cheap joke and not like Tony
Stark's character defining sexism in "Iron
Man." "The Green Hornet" also suffers from the fact that Reid and Kato are
constantly bickering with each other. This provides for occasional laughs early
on but quickly grows wearisome. And what's the point of crime fighters who just
want to beat the crap out of each other and insult each other. Rogen has proven
far more successful with his Judd Aptatow collaborations in creating appealing
bromance films in which the male characters show a more playful antagonism and
genuine affection for each other. But the relationship here between Reid and
Kato is unpleasant and grating. We really don't care about these guys and
whether or not they succeed.
Rogen, whom I have liked in most of his other films, fails miserably here. It's
almost like one of his slacker characters from a Judd Apatow film landed in a
superhero movie by mistake and is relying on what he has badly learned from
watching movies to guide him in his superhero shenanigans. He seems out of place
and ill suited to the duties required of him. Rogen looks as though he's waiting
for the real leading man to show up. He has no character arc, and never seems to
learn or grow so that we buy him as The Green Hornet.
Third, superhero movies must have a memorable villain. "The Green Hornet" at
least casts smartly here. Oscar winner Christoph Waltz does the best he can with
a lamely written part. He oozes insecure villainy and has some funny moments but
he's not as much fun as Gene Hackman's Lex Luthor or even as deliciously evil as
Jason Patric was in last year's "The
Losers." Waltz's performance is probably the best thing in the film but it's
not nearly enough to save the film. The only other attraction in the film is
Black Beauty, the killer car Kato designs for the nocturnal crime fighting. It's
a replica of the 1965 Chrysler Imperial used in the TV series and it looks
fantastic.
Fourth, comic book action films need... well, action. And the action needs to be
well choreographed.. Superheroes need to engage in some action even if they are
not that great at it to begin with. Spidey didn't fare too well in his first
superhero outings but he got better and the action was a blast. In "The Green
Hornet" the action is ridiculously lame. There is the pretense of 3D (don't even
get me started on how bad the 3D is in the rest of the movie) and then a CGI
effect of slowing down the action as Kato "stops" time to access where each
weapon is and plot a course of action. This is not style, just a mere gimmick.
And it's dull and unimpressive. Stephen Chow's action comedies pack more punch
and flair, and I can only imagine what he might have done if he had been left in
charge of this project. Gondry resorts to the Michael Bay school of action,
which is when you don't know what to do just pump up the volume and blow crap
up.
I have very fond memories of watching "The Green Hornet" TV show in the 1960s.
It wasn't great but it did have Bruce Lee as Kato and he was not only memorable
but also downright cool. The new film gives a nod to Lee by having Chou include
a sketch of Lee in his book of designs and by trying out Lee's signature "come
on" gesture to egg on opponents. The show, like the radio program before it,
made use of classical music for its signature theme (enhanced by an Al Hirt
trumpet solo). This new film only drops in that classic theme for a moment at
the end and that too is a let down because of its brevity.
"The Green Hornet" (rated PG-13 that drifts very close to R territory) is all
that's wrong with superhero/comic book movies. It's simplistic, condescending,
bloated, overly jokey, and assumes it has a built in audience that is easily
pleased. It's films like these that make it difficult to talk seriously about
comic book movies. "The Green Hornet" is crass, unimaginative, unexciting, and
not very funny. I was hoping it would at least be mindless fun but it ends up
just being mindless. If it does well at the box office -- which may be the case
because so little is opening and this is the only refuge from somber Oscar bait
films – then we will be doomed to more like this.
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