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  COMIC REVIEWS FOR THE MONTH OF: AUGUST 2010
  ZEROIDS #1
Writer: Aaron Shaps  Artists: Roberto Castro and Graig Henderson
Reviewer: "Sweet" Dan Sweet
Publisher: Moonstone Comics    Shipped On: 082510
MSRP: $3.99 each (15% OFF during it's 1st Week of release only at Alternate Reality!)
MOONSTONE'S SYNOPSIS:
Dangerous aliens. Flesh-eating zombies. Smokin' hot sorority babes. These aren't your daddy's robots! It's true what they say: they just don't make 'em like they used to. After spending decades in space, five incredible robots, the Zeroids, return to Earth during humanity's darkest hour. Their mission: to defend our world from a race of insidious alien energy vampires. The Zeroids are all that stand between mankind and an alien-engineered zombiegeddon - but before they can help us, the Zeroids must first enlist the help of a U.S. Air Force ace and a beautiful Cornell sorority co-ed. With a regular cover by Chris Short and a zombie cover by Mark Sparacio.
SWEET DAN'S REVIEW:
I had no idea what a “Zeroid” was going to be, and the cover, well gah(!), it did little to clue me in as far as what to expect, but if you can get past the obscure back-story and the non-descript cover (The cover is literally six words: “Zeroids: The Return Of American Metal”, WTF?!) there’s a gem buried somewhere deep inside this turd-like wrapping, and it’s worth discovering.

“The original sales pitch for the toy this comic adapts read: "Moving across the landscape, overrunning all obstacles as inexorably as the Future itself, these amazing, efficient and powerful automatons have but one purpose - to serve their masters at work and play!" (Thanks, Wikipedia”) I thought about that for about thirty seconds before I came to the conclusion that these were little more than toy slaves. Think about it, “…serve their masters at work and play”? That’s a slave if I’ve ever heard one, and I don’t particularly have a problem with that, I mean it’s an odd-ball late-Sixties concept that didn’t make it past the Seventies, who cares? But how were they going to make a children’s line of slave-toys a comic book worth caring about?!

Zombies seem to be that “it” plot device, whenever you have a story that you’re not quite sure you can tell, just add zombies, shake, and start writing! In “Zeroids” readers are treated to a whopping three pages of Zeroid origin before the whole thing dramatically ‘zigs’ right when you expect it to ‘zag’. Cue some sort of college sorority house where all the chicks are tens and some of them are pretty good at killing zombies, seriously. SO this is then spliced with ANOTHER sequence with entirely DIFFERENT characters, a couple of rough and tumble ARMY GUYS who just so happen to be dealing with their own zombie-related problems over in Afghanistan.

So where the hell is the Zeroids, for whom the comic is named?! That’s what I was beginning to wonder, and of course, on the last page, you get your answer. It’s not very fulfilling, but it’s AN answer, and it should tide you over until the next issue if the book strikes your fancy…which it should. I mean, aside from some really poor dialogue between the two Army dudes, who could have passed for teenage boys simply by how they were supposed to be speaking to one another, everything was “dude” or “Adult Swim”, blah blah blah…seriously at one point one addresses the other, during a combat situation with “Word.” Now I’m all for real-sounding dialogue between my characters, but this was like a bad B.E.T. sitcom playing out in army fatigues.

Roberto Castro and Craig Henderson do a great job of retaining a consistent look throughout the story, even as it takes drastic changes in tone and such as it moves along. The back-up story sequence is in black and white, with some muted tones for effect, and that’s cool, because it played of the bright colors of the rest of the story quite nicely. I thought that the characters and the action were all in capable hands, even if the story jumped around a bit. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining about the book, because I found the story to be one of the best I’ve ever read from Moonstone and their collection of licensed properties…I just wish it had a bit more focus.
  SPIDER-GIRL END #1
Writers: Tom DeFalco & Ron Frenz  Artist: Sal Buscema
Reviewer: "Sweet" Dan Sweet
Publisher: Marvel Comics    Shipped On: 082510
MSRP: $3.99 each (15% OFF during it's 1st Week of release only at Alternate Reality!)
MARVEL'S SYNOPSIS:
THIS IS IT! In a story spanning the history of the MC2 Universe, witness the battle you've been waiting for as Mayday Parker takes on her own clone, April! The fate of the Parker family hangs in the balance -- and so does an entire universe! The last stand of the Amazing Spider-Girl is here!
SWEET DAN'S REVIEW:
Oh, Spider-Girl, how you’ve made it this far, I have no idea. At long last the long-running “Spider-Girl” series has come to an end, “The End” actually, and although writer Tom DeFalco would have everyone believe that this is some sort of cruel injustice purported against Mayday Parker fans, I think it’s a rather fitting nail in a coffin that’s been a long-time coming. I didn’t care for the idea when it first presented itself a decade or so ago, and as such I was careful to avoid the series that followed at all costs. Don’t get me wrong, I understand the appeal of a 90’s-feeling book starring the daughter of a married Peter and MJ, but it didn’t carry that same allure for me that it did for its most fervent fans.

Fast-forward about ten or so years, and after being cancelled, un-cancelled, and then cancelled again, Spider-Girl fans are set to discover just what happens to May Parker (no, not the old one). I gotta say, for my first “Spider-Girl” story, I was pleasantly surprised. Sure, it subscribed to EVERY thing about 90’s-era comics that I didn’t care for, right down to Sal Buscema’s art, which is still surprisingly consistent as ever, but as far as the story was concerned it really managed to pull me in, even without the benefit of being a long-time fan.

Basically Mayday Parker has a clone, appropriately called Mayhem (*yawn*), who managed to find herself a symbiote, and using it to fight crime in a very Punisher-esque way she becomes an arch-nemesis of sorts for our heroine. During one specific encounter Mayday sacrifices her life to save Mayhem; Mayhem redeems herself by going on a murderous rampage, since that’s all she really knows how to do. She tried inserting herself into Mayday’s life, but is caught, and she makes a break for it. Time passes, and as a result of her actions (killing a bunch of good guys and bad guys) the government sends a bunch of Carnage-infected symbiote Mercenaries after her…which results in some wacky time-travel stuff…and wouldn’t ya know, Mayday’s back and better than ever!

Sal Buscema is a legitimate legacy of an artist, and while his art style doesn’t REALLY do anything for me, it’s impossible to check out his work without marveling at how amazingly consistent he’s been. Sure, he doesn’t get AS MUCH work at the House of Ideas as he used to, but when he does he makes the most out of it. His connection to the Spider-Man family of titles is unmatched, and as such he puts a great deal of emotion into this farewell issue; it’s impressive to see such dynamic story-telling ability from such an old dog…and these aren’t exactly ‘new’ tricks, but his work does make me smile in a ‘reminiscing about the old days’ sort of way.
  X-MEN CURSE OF MUTANTS BLADE #1
Writer: Duane Swiercznski  Artist: Tim Green
Reviewer: "Sweet" Dan Sweet
Publisher: Marvel Comics    Shipped On: 082510
MSRP: $3.99 each (15% OFF during it's 1st Week of release only at Alternate Reality!)
MARVEL'S SYNOPSIS:
Someone... something... is killing vampire slayers all over the world. Blade, the biggest, baddest slayer of them all, gathers an emergency assault team to blitz the bloodsucker underground and force answers out of whoever's not reduced to a pile of smoking ash. But Blade's not going to like what he hears. A new dawn is rising for the vampire nation. The rules are about to be rewritten, and Blade's about to go to fang-to-fang with a new threat he knows he can't fight alone...
SWEET DAN'S REVIEW:
If I have one last request before my brain gets sucked out of my head through my ears by unseen forces, it would have to be this: No. More. Mutants vs Vampires stories. With that said, this book works, albeit with a rather tumultuous back-story involving the second son of Dracula who murders his father to empower the vampire race. Swiercznski manages to tell a rather hip and entertaining Blade story, seemingly before the guy becomes an unofficial X-Man in “X-Men” #2, uniting the half-man, half-vampire with a few other slayers in hopes of attack the vamps when they least expect it.

But they always expect it, don’t they? That’s why the issue has conflict, because after a whirlwind tour of slayers and a daytime assault on the undead, if the bad guys didn’t see the good guys coming from a mile away then there would be NO suspense, no chance of defeat, and no real reason to read this book. Luckily Duane manages to squeeze in a lil’ bit of all of the above, and the result: a pretty dang-gone depressing tale in which everyone whose name isn’t on the cover bites it (no pun intended), and even the main character only sneaks away by the hair on his ass.

Blade and his buddies, a rag-tag bunch of slayers from around the world, band together to deal with the looming threat that is the vampire Xarus, and of course the results are bloody and satisfying, for the most part. Lots of people get torn to pieces, lots of vampires get staked, or meet with some other despicable end, but the real pay-off comes immediately before the fight, when all the vamps appear, ready for action, in broad daylight. This complicates matters a great deal for the guy who used to be called The Daywalker, and if all vampires are day walkers now, how are we to weed them out and maintain a safe distance?

The vamps plan is, apparently, kill all the slayers and then assimilate mutants into the blood-sucker bandwagon. Powerful prey equals more powerful vampires, and if Blade isn’t able to get to San Francisco in time to warn the largest population of mutants anywhere in the world, well, things might get nasty. Of course, since this shipped a good two or three weeks AFTER “X-Men” #2, we already know that he’s successful in that mission, which makes the conclusion of this issue a tad anti-climactic, but whatever. I still had a good time reading it.

The art is going to be hit or miss with a lot of people. Me, I didn’t mind it. I thought that Tim Green did a great job with the storytelling aspects, although there were a couple of large panels with very distant views that should have been broken up into smaller, closer panels. Other than that his character designs and his handle on the action was really impressive, and I’d actually look forward to more from him, if he’s given a shot. It’s not the stylized art of McNiven, or Yu, and it’s not as clean as some people would like, but if definitely has an edge to it…got my point?
  SHADOWLAND BLOOD ON STREETS #1 (of 4)
Writer: Antony Johnston  Artist: Wellinton Alves
Reviewer: "Sweet" Dan Sweet
Publisher: Marvel Comics    Shipped On: 081110
MSRP: $3.99 each (15% OFF during it's 1st Week of release only at Alternate Reality!)
MARVEL'S SYNOPSIS:
Striking from the pages of Shadowland, four cult-favorite heroes rise into the spotlight: Silver Sable...Paladin...Misty Knight...The Shroud! Is a rogue faction of Daredevil's ninjas secretly targeting the mafia? With DD's dark castle looming over the city, has The Man Without Fear finally lost his mind? This twisted murder mystery ensnares a quartet of vastly different operatives--but will it unite them, or place them in each other's crosshairs? Can this controversial crew put aside their differences before a war between The Hand and the mob sets New York ablaze? Join Antony Johnston (DAREDEVIL) and Wellinton Alves (THUNDERBOLTS) for a bloody tour down the mean streets of Shadowland!
SWEET DAN'S REVIEW:
If I have one last request before my brain gets sucked out of my head through my ears by unseen forces, it would have to be this: No. More. Mutants vs Vampires stories. With that said, this book works, albeit with a rather tumultuous back-story involving the second son of Dracula who murders his father to empower the vampire race. Swiercznski manages to tell a rather hip and entertaining Blade story, seemingly before the guy becomes an unofficial X-Man in “X-Men” #2, uniting the half-man, half-vampire with a few other slayers in hopes of attack the vamps when they least expect it.

But they always expect it, don’t they? That’s why the issue has conflict, because after a whirlwind tour of slayers and a daytime assault on the undead, if the bad guys didn’t see the good guys coming from a mile away then there would be NO suspense, no chance of defeat, and no real reason to read this book. Luckily Duane manages to squeeze in a lil’ bit of all of the above, and the result: a pretty dang-gone depressing tale in which everyone whose name isn’t on the cover bites it (no pun intended), and even the main character only sneaks away by the hair on his ass.

Blade and his buddies, a rag-tag bunch of slayers from around the world, band together to deal with the looming threat that is the vampire Xarus, and of course the results are bloody and satisfying, for the most part. Lots of people get torn to pieces, lots of vampires get staked, or meet with some other despicable end, but the real pay-off comes immediately before the fight, when all the vamps appear, ready for action, in broad daylight. This complicates matters a great deal for the guy who used to be called The Daywalker, and if all vampires are day walkers now, how are we to weed them out and maintain a safe distance?

The vamps plan is, apparently, kill all the slayers and then assimilate mutants into the blood-sucker bandwagon. Powerful prey equals more powerful vampires, and if Blade isn’t able to get to San Francisco in time to warn the largest population of mutants anywhere in the world, well, things might get nasty. Of course, since this shipped a good two or three weeks AFTER “X-Men” #2, we already know that he’s successful in that mission, which makes the conclusion of this issue a tad anti-climactic, but whatever. I still had a good time reading it.

The art is going to be hit or miss with a lot of people. Me, I didn’t mind it. I thought that Tim Green did a great job with the storytelling aspects, although there were a couple of large panels with very distant views that should have been broken up into smaller, closer panels. Other than that his character designs and his handle on the action was really impressive, and I’d actually look forward to more from him, if he’s given a shot. It’s not the stylized art of McNiven, or Yu, and it’s not as clean as some people would like, but if definitely has an edge to it…got my point?
  X-MEN CURSE OF MUTANTS STORM & GAMBIT #1
Writer: Chuck Kim  Artist: Chris Bachalo
Reviewer: "Sweet" Dan Sweet
Publisher: Marvel Comics    Shipped On: 082510
MSRP: $3.99 each (15% OFF during it's 1st Week of release only at Alternate Reality!)
MARVEL'S SYNOPSIS:
As an army of vampires descends on San Francisco, the X-Men find themselves in dire straights. The good news is that they may have just discovered a means for stemming the invasion. The bad news? What they need is in the clutches of the vampires themselves. Luckily, the X-Men have two thieves in their employ that may just be able pull off such a heist. Hold on to your wooden stakes, X-Fans...STORM and GAMBIT are in for a bumpy ride!
SWEET DAN'S REVIEW:
Oh joy! The Vampire invasion continues, and Marvel Comics is riding this trend with shameless persistence with similar stories transpiring in two separate universes, AT THE SAME TIME! I reviewed “Ultimate Avengers 3” #1 not too long ago, and since I wasn’t turned on by THAT display of fang-fascination I opted to skip the entire “Curse of the Mutants” epic that Victor Gischler cooked up to help relaunch the adjectiveless-X-book. As far as I’m concerned this was just some half-baked tie-in that was thrown together at the last minute, offering very little in the way of anything NEW, or DIFFERENT about the title characters, instead opting to play up old-stuff that we’ve seen a million times. Only THIS time there’s VAMPIRES! Ooh!

Storm and Gambit are thieves, remember? They used to steal everything that wasn’t tied down, and as such they’re called upon to utilize their breaking and entering skills to abscond with the body of the recently deceased Count Dracula. Sounds easy enough, right? Wrong, because there’s vampires guarding it; vampires that look so indistinguishably similar to one another, nearly featureless, that they barely caused me to raise an eyebrow as to why I should view them as a threat. I guess there are classes of vampires, but once you’re in a class you look just like everyone else around you…or something; anyway, it made for a less-than-exciting visual dynamic when it came to action.

Speaking of action, there’s a fair bit of it in this issue, and as with all X-related books there’s a wee-bit of melodrama to even things out. As the eldest son of Dracula, the one who didn’t murder his dad, Janus, goes about assisting the Children of the Atom against his people in hopes of returning his father to life…un-life? Un-death? I don’t know, but he alludes to his father’s constant longing after Storm, “the one that got away.” Some vampires die, Janus disappears, Storm makes some hard choices, the X-Men save the day…cue curtain.

The really disappointing thing about this issue is how TERRIBLE the art was…which is peculiar, because Chris Bachalo, whom some might say is an acquired taste, is typically a phenomenal penciller. So I did a little digging, okay, I turned back to the credits at the beginning of the book, but what I discovered pissed me off. There were SEVEN people inking the guy’s pencils this issue. One was Tim Townsend, and that would account for why SOME of the pages in the issue are beautiful and others are complete travesties. Seriously some of the panels aren’t even legible and look like they were rushed to meet a deadline.

My question to the powers-that-be would have to be: “What’s the point of getting a high-profile artist if you’re only going to poop on his work?” The Bachalo name carries with it a certain reputation, and I couldn’t imagine being him and seeing his work completely butchered the way it is in this issue. Why not wait another week, maybe two…and pop this turd out when you don’t have three other books with the same banner shipping that week. These mini-events have very quickly gotten out of hand; the number of tie-ins’ one would be expected to keep up with is astounding. Seriously guys, anybody listening, vote with your dollar and show these guys that they should be able to tell a story without force-feeding us fifteen extra titles a month!
  GUARDING THE GLOBE #1 (OF 6)
Writers: Kirkman and Benito Cereno Artist: Ransom Getty
Reviewer: "Sweet" Dan Sweet
Publisher: Image Comics    Shipped On: 082510
MSRP: $3.99 each (15% OFF during it's 1st Week of release only at Alternate Reality!)
IMAGES SYNOPSIS:
As the VILTRUMITE WAR rages on within the pages of INVINCIBLE, the ranks of the Guardians of the Globe are suddenly depleted. The world is in danger, and the team is in search of new blood. It's the biggest recruitment drive since Omni-Man slaughtered the original members. But will the new Guardians of the Globe be ready in time to stop The Order? This series is a can't-miss action extravaganza!
SWEET DAN'S REVIEW:
All hail, KIRKMAN! No, seriously, comic book fans everywhere should be praying to an altar of this guy before they leave the comic store every Wednesday. Nobody, as of this moment, is doing MORE for independent comic books than Rob, and his passion for his characters and the medium as a whole could never be more obvious. I enjoy his projects almost without exception. Say what you want about his tenure on the Ultimate Marvel series of titles, but when allowed to work within the context of his own universes, without editorial mandate to interfere, he’s a maniacal genius, wreaking havoc with abstract abandon the likes I haven’t seen in ages. His books make me feel like a kid again.

If you’ve ever read Kirkman’s “Invincible” than you should already know who the Guardians of the Globe are, and if even if you haven’t read the ‘greatest super-hero comic book in the universe’ you probably get the gist of the idea simply from the title. A collection of heroes from around the globe consider it their responsibility to guard those of us who can’t defend ourselves from giant robots, or aliens, or whatever really. The team debuted in “Invincible” #7, and though it’s seen many team members leave, die, or become otherwise incapacitated, The Guardians of the Globe are only just NOW becoming a world-wide force for good.

The team goes about recruiting potential members, and they start in China as Britt, team leader, gets the drop on Yeti, a character that teasers would have you believe is keeping some sort of strange secret. There’re bad guys too, although I’d be hard-pressed to fill you in on what they’re up to; so far it seems they’re putting their own kind of squad together, of course the likelihood of the two teams butting heads is inevitable. Even as I write this I’m actually looking forward to the next issue; there’s something extremely refreshing about a book, even a super-hero book, that doesn’t take itself too seriously, and luckily Kirkman’s just the guy to spearhead something like this.

Ransom Getty was discovered by Kirkman after sending a pin-up to “Invincible”, so if you’re an artist out there and you’re looking for your BIG break, maybe it’s time to start drawing pin-ups and send them into Image (or some other Indy publisher)…you never know right? His style is in the vein of “Invincible” artists like Cory Walker or Ryan Ottley, which makes him a perfect fit for a book like this. It feels right; his ability to bring out the humanity, even in a giant, hairy, white, abominable snow-man is easily relatable. Characters like Shapesmith, Monster Girl, Black Samson, and even Dupli-Kate are rendered flawlessly, and with a great deal of zeal. I can’t wait to see Getty tackle some SERIOUS action sequences…maybe even extend the book beyond the initial six-issue run?!
  WHISPERS IN WALLS #1 (OF 6)
Writer: David Munoz Artist: Tirso
Reviewer: "Sweet" Dan Sweet
Publisher: Humanoids Inc     Shipped On: 080410
MSRP: $3.99 each (15% OFF during it's 1st Week of release only at Alternate Reality!)
HUMANOIDS SYNOPSIS:
A gothic tale of horror from David Muñoz (co-writer of Guillermo Del Toro's The Devil's Backbone film). Czechoslovakia. 1949. What evil lurks within the walls of an ancient children's infirmary? A young girl named Sarah hopes that by discovering this secret she will unravel the mystery of her parents' murder.
SWEET DAN'S REVIEW:
What I thought was just going to be another exercise in period-piece horror story surprised the crap out of me, and instead turned out to be a rather exciting period-piece mystery with serious horror-story undertones, although nothing that jumps right out at you, screaming ‘Boo!” Set during 1949, a few years after the end of the Second World War, in what could only be described as the worst Czechoslovakian orphanage in the world, a girl named Sarah awakens to find herself in some sort of laboratory. She’s not alone, there are doctors anxiously keeping an eye on her due to some sort of condition, as well as the fact that her entire family was devoured by some sort of monster…oh, and there’s a possibility that the head doctor running the orphanage has been around for a few hundred years. Weird, right?

There’s not a whole lot to give away, some speculation and conjecture, sure, but nothing solid that will give you an idea as to what to expect from this title. I had a lot of fun reading it, and the art is awesome, and while the mysteries were plentiful, layered ever so subtly, I never got a feeling of urgency from the book, which is something that is almost a necessity when reading a horror story of any sort. Along the way readers are introduced to a few other children who’ve been forced to live under the watchful eye of the research scientists that run the facility, all of whom are supposed carriers of some sort of virus.

What virus? I don’t really know, but if I had to guess I’d say it’s something in the ballpark of vampire/werewolf/monster mutagen that transforms the children into nasty, snarling, hairy beasts. What leads me to that conclusion? A few things in the story point to supernatural elements; there’s also a point were some red-eyed something or other eats a bird. I know, that doesn’t sound like much of a clue but believe me, it is. I’m fascinated by this series, primarily because I’ve never heard of the company, or the creators, and altogether it’s one of the more complete visions I’ve taken the time to enjoy. The story is creepy, interesting, and above all original enough. The art compliments the story in almost every way; the action and characters flow together seamlessly like some sort of an animated project, and it’s that look that really plays to the moody strength of the book.

Humanoids is an American off-shoot of a French publishing company known as Les Humanoides Associes, originally started by French artists Moebius, Phillipe Druillet, and Jean-Pierre Dionnet in order to launch the ‘anthology comic book magazine “Metal Hurlant”. With Humanoids, the company is looking to bring their particular style of genre fiction to the states, injecting a dose of Euro-sensibility to the world of funny-books. I thought that this first outing, on our shores anyway, was a tremendous success, and while the preview at the end for “Unfabulous Five” was certainly not my thing, I will continue to check with this (not-so) fledgling companion a somewhat regular basis now, anxiously awaiting not only the next issue of “Whispers in the Walls”, but whatever other cool, insightful, boundary-pushing ideas they choose to explore.
  NAMOR FIRST MUTANT #1
Writer: Mark Millar  Artist: Steve Dillon
Reviewer: "Sweet" Dan Sweet
Publisher: Marvel Comics     Shipped On: 081110
MSRP: $3.99 each (15% OFF during it's 1st Week of release only at Alternate Reality!)
MARVEL'S SYNOPSIS:
Spinning out of the pages of X-MEN #1, comes an all-new series starring the world's first mutant, NAMOR THE SUB-MARINER. When the X-Men are confronted with a deadly vampire threat, Namor takes matters into his own hands on a mission that might bring down the entire might of the vampires on their heads...and in the process, destroy Atlantis! What lurks down below the ocean where the sun can't reach? What he thought was a fable to scare the children of Atlantis comes to terrifying life in the form of a newly-discovered race of Atlantean Vampires. Namor's choice, to stand with Atlantis or the X-Men, will define a new chapter in his life...or death.
SWEET DAN'S REVIEW:
Ouch! Another stinker in this continuously disappointing mini-epic that “Curse off the Mutants” is quickly turning out to be. Did we really need a story about Namor fighting under-sea vamps while attempting to make off with the carefully guarded head of Count Dracula? If that sounds almost exactly like the plot of “Storm + Gambit”, well, that’s because it pretty much is. Either the X-Men are getting into necrophilia, or Cyclops has a plan to put the old boy back together again…

Alas, it’s NOT necrophilia…so I guess it’s the other thing…which is fine, I guess, although…never mind. Namor swims around, talks to some old one-eyed lady that apparently warns him of the looming danger that are the sea-vampires, called Aqueos, which is only a step up from Butterfly in terms of how scary that word is supposed to be. Then the King of Atlantis swims around some more, runs into some of his old peeps, they bicker, and then they go after the head of Dracula. Things aren’t as easy as they seem and the ‘team’ is attacked by the Aqueos…OOH, scary!

When things aren’t looking up for old Wing-Foot he opts for a hasty retreat, a decision that doesn’t sit well with some of the other warriors. Blah, blah, blah, Namor is King and they’ll do what he says. The end of the issue brings about an ominous decision by the leader of the Aqueos, and a shallow peace long held with the utmost regard comes crashing down like a fragile coral reef, or something. Now the X-Men are fighting Vampires by land AND by sea, watchoutnow!

Ariel Olivetti’s artwork looks lazy. There, I said it. I usually find his style entertaining, but illustrating an underwater sea world and settling for solid blue backgrounds in almost every panel was a real downer as far as I’m concerned. I thought the characters looked rigid and stiff, and while I know this is often used to illustrate the regal characteristics of Namor, it doesn’t have to be used to represent EVERYONE who’s floating around in the ocean. I know business is business, and no one is forcing anyone to buy these extraneous tie-ins at gun-point, but I’m gonna have to go on the record and say that I think something smells fishy.
  MORNING GLORIES #1
Writer: Nick Spencer   Artist: Joe Eisma
Reviewer: "Sweet" Dan Sweet
Publisher: Image Comics     Shipped On: 081110
MSRP: $3.99 each (15% OFF during it's 1st Week of release only at Alternate Reality!)
IMAGE'S SYNOPSIS:
The most anticipated new series of the year starts here! Morning Glory Academy is one of the most prestigious prep schools in the country... But behind it's hallowed doors something sinister and deadly lurks. When six brilliant but troubled new students arrive, they find themselves trapped and desperately seeking answers in a place where nothing is what it seems to be!
SWEET DAN'S REVIEW:
A book touted as “Runaways meets Lost” meant one of two very distinct possibilities as far as I was concerned: a) This had potential to combine two of my favorite genre stories, thus solidifying my adoration almost immediately; or b) This had potential to combine two of my favorite genre stories, thus cherry-picking parts from each that felt as if they’d work in context with one another, and then crash and burn horribly. Well, when I got to the shop on Wednesday, grabbed one of only two copies left on the shelf (a gross miscalculation by Comic Book Man, but a forgivable one considering the lack of attention paid to new series that don’t have the words “New”, “Blackest/Brightest”, or “X-Whatever” on the cover), and got home I wasn’t sure if I’ was going to read it first or last (I read it last), but by the time I was finished with it I was sure of one thing, and one thing only: Best. New. Series. Of the year.

Everything about this book worked for me in spades; from the first page, which only seemingly had nothing to do with the rest of the book unless one pays close attention to the background through out the issue, then it seems entirely too ominous. The two-page sequences, each introducing a different main character work wonders in terms of characterization. Each student feels unique, and easy to relate to in one way or another; you know who you like right away, and whom you hope to see skewered, smashed, shot, stabbed, or snuffed out (if any of that is likely to happen). The full-of-herself Zoe, the wall-flower/emo kid Jade, the irritatingly hilarious Ike, typical every-girl Casey, alpha-male Jun, and the comic book loving Hunter make up the newest class at Morning Glory Academy. Welcome to your first day, children. Now prepare for the worst.

The students aren’t the only ones given a chance to shine in the debut issue; Miss Daramount, Miss Dagney, Mr. Gribbs, the creepy chauffer who drugs the kids on their way to the school, presumably to keep its location a secret, are all made out to be authoritarian figures who, while welcoming and ‘warm,’ all have their own secrets and agendas. Then there’s the ghost. Or, whatever the hell it actually is, because calling it a ‘ghost’ just doesn’t seem to be right; it’s probably a wraith, or worse, one of the academy’s students…but all the same, he/she/it looks like a ghost.

Joe Eisma has worked with Spencer before on the book “Existence 2.0” and it’s clear that his style has been altered, just a bit, in order to keep with the slick, stylized look that they’re trying to achieve with “Morning Glories”. I enjoy greatly his dynamic use of panel-layout to move a rather expository issue along without feeling as if it was dragging. He does get to flex his action muscles a bit early on, and nails it, but the rest of the issue he’s able to make the mundane seem visually fascinating. It’s the details that he adds to each scene that really pay off: the posture of the student as they sit through an introductory lecture, the expressive faces of each character, the thorough attention to backgrounds and environment which add to the atmosphere of Morning Glory Academy. All of it, inked by Eisma himself, which I’m not usually a fan of, but done perfectly as to compliment his line-work without fear of over-doing it; a factor I’m sure came into play when making that particular decision.

I’m a fan of this series, and not just because I’m a fan of “Runaways”, “Lost”, or any of Spencer’s OTHER works (which I command you to seeks out and enjoy as much as I did), but because it’s a great way to utilize teen characters, in a setting that is entirely believable yet ridiculously manufactured, without losing touch with audiences young and old alike. I’m not sixteen years old, as all of the stars of the book are supposed to be, but the story isn’t written with sixteen-year-olds in mind; sure, a kid could pick up the book and enjoy it for the snotty characters, or the action, or even just the ‘purty-pitchers’, but an adult (young or otherwise) could pick up the book and become enthralled in a rather gripping mystery which promises to pay off over time. I’m hoping, and I’m sure I’m not too far off-base, that this develops a HUGE following, paying off for a young creator who’s quickly becoming my favorite NEW comic book writer.
  ULTIMATE COMICS AVENGERS 3 #1 (OF 6)
Writer: Mark Millar  Artist: Steve Dillon
Reviewer: "Sweet" Dan Sweet
Publisher: Marvel Comics     Shipped On: 081110
MSRP: $3.99 each (15% OFF during it's 1st Week of release only at Alternate Reality!)
MARVEL'S SYNOPSIS:
Blade is back in a bad way and that can only mean one thing: vampires are afoot! Somebody is leaving behind a bloody trail of bite marks and Blade's stake-ready to take them on. Could the mysterious figure donned in an iron suit have something to do with it? And who exactly is the new figure leaping around down in a devil costume? As the Avengers get deeper into black ops, there's no telling who'll be thirsting for blood and who'll be next on the menu!
SWEET DAN'S REVIEW:
I’m not sure if it’s an abundance or an over-reliance on Porphyria, the genetic disease linked with vampirism in the Marvel Universe, that’s made this previously reliable, albeit reliably formulaic, series to feel as if it’s jumped the shark, or in this case, the coffin. I was enjoying the previous chapters, seasons, installments, whatever the buzz-word is at this point, but something about the story forced my reading experience to hit a wall. I don’t know if I could put my finger on it; maybe it was the tonal shift in artistic style from the stylized renderings of Carlos Pacheo and Lenil Yu to the rather subdued pencils of Steve Dillon, maybe it was the lack of any real focus, or introduction to a dramatic plot point that would cause me to come back for more.

Sure, there’s some semblance of a story, with the ever-horny Blade, and the kid who befalls such a similar fate to Matt Murdock it would be practically a sin to call him anything other than Daredevil. But neither of these plot points seems to be remarkable enough to carry the book, and when jammed together it doesn’t feel as if one naturally compliments the other. Sure, there’s always good, old fashioned Nick Fury and his misfit super-twins, Hawkeye and Black Widow, but other than some throw-away lines during the routine team briefing, again, less than stellar in my opinion.

There’re a couple of surprises, such as who succumbs to the vampire’s kiss by the end of this issue, but even so it feels like something of a rehash of something we’ve already seen Millar do with these characters. I did enjoy the last page ‘cliffhanger’ which was really anything but; I want to know who’s going to make up this specific team of wet-work ‘Avengers’, so if anything gets me to read the next issue it’ll be that. Even the title of this issue, “Blade Versus the Avengers”, feels like false advertising, as neither one appeared in the same panel at the same time.

Dillon is a modern master. His run on “Preacher” is one of the more critically acclaimed works of all time, and the way he parlayed that into a gig along side Ennis on “Punisher” (MAX) was spectacular, defining for a whole new generation of readers what they should expect from Marvel’s skull-emblazoned vigilante. That said, I’m not sure how he fits the formula that I’ve seen from Millar. He comes onto a title along with a top-tier artist, in this case Dillon, which is fine, but after the first two volumes, runs, arcs, whatever, Dillon’s style feels like a misstep. Pacheo captured the widescreen look that Millar delivers without fail; Yu was able to capture the frenzy and pace of the last story, and his sketchy pencils fit the story about demons, monsters, Satan and all that. Dillon, if anything, makes the opening scene play out much more like a 70’s blaxploitation film, which isn’t to say it looks bad, but if feels dated, and his Daredevil lacks a certain gritty finesse that makes the character work so well. I love Steve Dillon; I’m just not in love with his work on this title. Sorry.
  MURDERLAND #1
Writer: Stephen Scott  Artist: David Hahn
Reviewer: "Sweet" Dan Sweet
Publisher: Image Comics     Shipped On: 080410
MSRP: $2.99 each (15% OFF during it's 1st Week of release only at Alternate Reality!)
IMAGE'S SYNOPSIS:
"SET THE METHOD DOWN," Part One, Artist DAVID HAHN joins newcomer STEPHEN SCOTT to tell a story of doomed romance, bloodshed and the outer limits of human potential, all unfolding on the "complicated" streets of Baltimore, Maryland. The Arabber is a reformed killer bent on bringing peace to his hometown. Method is his lover and partner in crime, but she may not be long for The Arabber's crusade. The first of many genre-bending stories in the MURDERLAND universe.
SWEET DAN'S REVIEW:
“Murderland” is a reference to the city, Baltimore, Maryland, also known as ‘Body-More, Murderland’, mostly by the people unfortunate enough to come from there. Made famous for the most part due to its high crime-rate, and “The Wire”, a television show about Baltimore’s high crime-rate, ‘Body-More’ isn’t only the setting of the story but almost a supporting character in and of itself. An “Arabber” is a person who sells wares, typically produce, from a cart, usually found in urban areas where fresh fruits and vegetables aren’t as easily available. The character Arabber doesn’t appear to actually BE an arabber, not by definition anyway. Okay, now that our vocabulary lesson is concluded, let’s move on.

Arabber and Method are a pair of weapon-wielding weirdoes who kill people, I’m assuming for money although it’s never specified. Theirs is a love story built on a solid foundation of mutilated bodies, or at least reliability, because judging from the results of the first issue they’ve both worked together before and have a pretty adequate gauge on the other’s abilities. Oh yeah, there’re super-powers, or so it seems, as Arabber is quickly lacerated at least two-dozen times by scalpels (I counted!) thrown by a guy who can obviously throw a whole crap-load of scalpels really, really quickly. He not only lives through it but maintains witty banter with Method the whole way, even as she uses his already bloodied body as a human shield.

Method, the chick part of the team is a bit on the weird side herself. She’s an actress playing an ever-changing part with a new script everyday; I get the feeling that even Arabber knows less about her than he thinks he does. Half way through a battle with some douchey bad-guy she grows these ridiculous bone spurs from her knees and breaks them off in said douchey guy’s shoulders, effectively pinning him to the wall. She’s a shape-changer, or at least she appears to be, but the narrator does an inadequate job of preparing the reader for the sudden tonal shift in the material. I can almost hear the pitch now: “Alright, we’re gonna start with a pretty sub-standard assassin tale and then we’re gonna kick it up a notch by suddenly tossing in this ‘super-power’ element. It’s really gonna come off as an American exercise in Manga story telling, only backwards, which for us is forwards anyway.”

David Hahn is the only redeemable thing this book has going for it. His simple style and creative use of panels to help move the momentum along helped me get through a rather dull example of how NOT to make a new comic. Some of the character designs, especially the African-American males are very derivative of what I’ve seen in Mangas ten to fifteen years ago. Very stereotypical analogue-characters made for a disconnected reading experience, which is why I can unequivocally denounce this title as one of the more lame-duck indies to ship this week.
  NEW MUTANTS FOREVER #1 (OF 5)
Writer: Chris Claremont   Artist: Al Rio
Reviewer: "Sweet" Dan Sweet
Publisher: Marvel Comics     Shipped On: 080410
MSRP: $3.99 each (15% OFF during it's 1st Week of release only at Alternate Reality!)
MARVEL'S SYNOPSIS:
The third generation of Xavier's pupils is back...like you've never seen them! New York Times best-selling author and X-Men visionary Chris Claremont returns to the young mutant heroes he created to turn their lives upside down! Their headmaster, Magneto, has just joined the Hellfire Club, and now the team faces a threat so terrible they're willing to join forces with the Black Queen, Selene! With the stunning pencils of Al Rio, series co-creator Bob McLeod on inks, and the legendary Bill Sienkiewicz on covers, this is one series no New Mutants fan should miss!
SWEET DAN'S REVIEW:
This is exactly the kind of derivative, lazy story-telling that comes from giving a past-his-prime creator his own pocket universe to play with. On the plus side, Claremont’s hand has been kept otherwise occupied with his baby “X-Men Forever”, so there’s little for him to do in the grounded-in-reality, New School of comics writing that’s currently all the rage over at the House of Ideas. On the other hand, we’re going to have to sit through Claremont’s own self-idolatry as he elevates the status of his oft-forgotten plot threads that ran through the million-plus years of comics he’s written (most of them pre-date his jumping of the proverbial shark).

As he rediscovers his old stomping grounds, trying to breathe life into a day and time long since passed, his inability to compete in the current comic market place becomes abundantly clear. His over reliance on old staples of communication with the reader such as thought balloons, or text boxes, is as constant as his need to use expository dialogue to a painful degree; every character’s every line is damn-near monologue length, and woefully similar to watching a really bad movie – I can’t help but picture each of the characters standing on a poorly decorated soundstage, blaring trumpets after every sentence help signify the importance of each statement.

The bottom line is this: if you weren’t a fan of what Chris Claremont did with the New Mutants, or if you’ve never read a “New Mutants” comic before this, then you’ll find this to be little more than the latest vapid exercise in the mutant mercy-killing that is the X-corner of the Marvel U. If you’re familiar with, and a big fan of Chris Claremont’s “New Mutants” the chances are that you’re already familiar with the “New Mutants” ongoing series (which also left a bad taste in my mouth, albeit for different reasons) by writer Zeb Wells, and if you’re familiar with that series than there’s no reason to buy into this $#!t pile for nostalgia’s sake.

The art is good, if that’s any sort of redeeming factor. Al Rio’s more than tolerable, dare I even say talented, but when teamed up with a poop-writer, with a poop-story, well, the outcome stinks. The composition of the new costumes is basic, yet different enough that Claremont has to ‘explain’ the change by attributing it to Illyana’s sudden decision for a change of pace. There are a couple panels, inked very well by Bob McLeod, that actually end up resembling something Epting or Cassaday would be alright with putting their own name on. While the art alone isn’t enough to save this borderline-masturbatory self indulgence due to all-round crappiness of everything else, it is pretty, and that should be said, if nothing else.
  NANCY IN HELL #1 (OF 4)
Writer: El Torres   Artist: Juan Jose Ryp
Reviewer: "Sweet" Dan Sweet
Publisher: Image Comics     Shipped On: 080410
MSRP: $2.99 each (15% OFF during it's 1st Week of release only at Alternate Reality!)
IMAGE'S SYNOPSIS:
Good girls go to heaven, right? But it seems like there are no good girls anymore. After her death, Nancy awakens in a creepy landscape to find decomposing lost souls, demons lurking in the shadows, outcasts, chainsaws, booze, and certain doom. Can Nancy escape from Hell? Amazing artist JUAN JOSE RYP (Black Summer, No Hero) and writer EL TORRES (The Veil) take you on a white-knuckle tour of the underworld to find out!
SWEET DAN'S REVIEW:
B-movie concept, check; Porno-movie title, check; A writer and artist combination who understand the difference between ‘in-your-face’ and insanely intriguing, check and double-check. While it may not be the thought-provoking Eisner-award winning title that some comic-writers dream of, “Nancy in Hell” is a visually stimulating, and not-unintelligent story of Nancy, and she’s in hell. That’s about all I can give your as far as the first issue is concerned; how she lived, and died, aren’t subjects touched upon at this point, and to be honest I’m not sure how integral they are to the story just yet.

Sitting spread-eagle in some sleaze bag gin joint, that’s how ALL heroines should make their debut to the world. Nancy’s not your ‘typical teen’, when describing herself in horror movie terminology she’s the ‘girl at the end of the movie’, it’s only through an unfortunate turn of events that she finds herself damned for all eternity. Her journey through Hell is everything you’d expect it to be: hot, red, sweaty, sometimes sexual, always dirty, and basically exhausting. She comes across a couple hot demonic babes, complete with wings and tail, who either want to eat her or ‘eat her’, I’m not quite sure; there’s the legions of undead zombies, the souls who’ve too long toiled their time away in Hell’s fire; oh, and there’s strippers, because well, all strippers, soulless little sad sacks that they are, go to Hell.

Devil dogs seem to be the threat du’jor on the issue’s menu, as such our heroine is able to hack away at those nasty little beasts the way I sometimes wish I could cut loose with my neighbor’s mutts. That’s right ladies and germs, the chainsaw you see her toting on the cover absolutely comes into play in the issue, it might be, if forced to pick, the only co-star I can identify. She viciously saws away at her would-be predators until they’re but mince-meat, of course, then she has to deal with all the zombies! Luckily her battle is interrupted with the fortunate news that she doesn’t actually belong in Hell, and what luck, the messenger knows a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy who knows a way out. By the way, the messenger is the Devil, good f*cking luck!

Juan Ryp may be on the verge of mainstream success, but with his work firmly rooted in the realm of the creator-owned comic I’ve grown to love his linework more and more each time I’m exposed to it. His work is a joy to witness; he densely packs detail into each panel, sometime more than most comics fit into a series of panels, or a whole page. His ability to render lush landscapes that are simultaneously intriguing and disgusting, especially the hellish surroundings of “Nancy in…”. I can’t say I’m familiar in the slightest with El Torres, but I dig the idea, and the approach, so I’m down for the full ride; I’ll be keeping an eye out to see if anything else comes out of this seemingly ‘new’ guy.
  MARVEL UNIVERSE VS PUNISHER #1 (OF 4)
Writer: Jonathan Maberry   Artist: Goran Parlov
Reviewer: "Sweet" Dan Sweet
Publisher: Marvel Comics     Shipped On: 080410
MSRP: $3.99 each (15% OFF during it's 1st Week of release only at Alternate Reality!)
MARVEL'S SYNOPSIS:
The creative team of Jonathan Maberry and Goran Parlov take you on a journey into the darkest territory in this Marvel Knights limited series. A terrible plague has swept the Earth, turning everyone - human, hero, villain, god and monster - into sadistic cannibal predators. As Spider-Man, the Hulk, the Thing and other infected start a feeding frenzy, the world falls in a wave of insatiable violence. Now, five years later, one man hunts the wasteland that was New York City. One man stands against the hordes of monsters who hunt the night. He is the Punisher, the Last Gun on Earth. And he has an endless supply of ammunition.
SWEET DAN'S REVIEW:
This kind of a comic book, this exercise in the ‘What If/Elseworlds’ style of story telling, is nothing new, it’s the sort of book that could easily be over-looked; I mean, didn’t we just see this type of story in the once-great-but now-defunct “Marvel Zombies” series of series? Sure, they never featured the Punisher as he guns down your favorite heroes, but the gist of it, one moment the heroes are fine and saving the world, the next Spider-Man is ripping the Rhino’s throat out with his teeth in front of a live studio audience, comes off a bit derivative, but only as a plot device, everything else doesn’t feel nearly as forced.

Despite the best of intentions, its Frank Castle’s sledgehammer-like finesse that ultimately caused this disaster of global proportions. Who knew to massacre a gang of Russian Mafia-types was to sign the death warrant on the ENTIRE planet? Certainly not The Punisher, he’s much too dense to foresee the problem with opening fire on what could possibly be a ‘suitcase nuke’, or some sort of dirty bomb. It was actually a biological agent, smuggled in the pockets of the Russian gangsters, and when the armor-piercing rounds shredded any safety precautions, well, madness ensues. Frank inhales what would normally be considered a lethal dose, except he isn’t changed into some sort of deranged, blood-thirsty, lunatic, instead he develops an immunity; this makes him not only responsible for creating the whole, ugly mess, but ultimately the only one who may be able to resolve it…by murder!

The book opens with Frank killing Deadpool, for the 33rd time, and I must say, I’d have been alright with 48 pages of just THAT. Once Frank starts spilling the beans as far was what actually got him into this mess, himself, the story starts rolling. It’s all back-story, but it gets you up to speed on how the outbreak of the rabies-like virus spread from hero to villain to human to child without any sort of discretion. In the present, Frank is on the hunt for a guy called Zero; whether this is ‘Patient Zero’ meaning Spider-Man, or if it’s actually Zero, the weird, teleporting mutant from “X-Force” (Vol. 1) is yet to be seen, but I’m guessing it’s the former rather than the latter.

Parlov is great at illustrating Frank Castle, and his ability to move seamlessly through the transitions between the good-old-days, with a slightly subdued penciling style, to the current gritty atmosphere of a post-apocalyptic (maybe a little dramatic) wasteland is flawless. He also inks his own pencils, and for once I think he’s better off for it. Lee Loughridge’s colors set a tone that takes an otherwise depressing story about loss and responsibility and injects emotion whenever possible, even if it’s just Frank writing in his journal as the sun sets, or the cold grey feeling that creeps into your heart as bear witness to his execution of an American icon.

Coming off the sleeper-hit of the summer, “Doomwar”, Maberry has earned my trust as a fledgling comic writer. I was eagerly anticipating this series, even if I wasn’t sure what to expect. I wouldn’t be surprised to find out in ten or so years that this is what they had in mind for the Marvel Zombie universe, except they jumped the shark with that idea years ago. Why not repackage it, and trot it out for all to see as an entirely new idea, albeit reliant on certain themes established in other series. The idea of the Punisher trapped in a zombie/cannibal wasteland doesn’t hold a million possibilities, so anybody sticking around for a happy ending is gonna be let down, I’m almost sure of it. He’s either gonna kill all the bad guys and die slowly and alone, or they’re gonna eat him…I just can’t wait to see which one it is!

All Books/Characters pictured herein are © Copyright 2010 by their respective owners. No rights given or implied by Alternate Reality, Incorporated.

Reviews © 2010 Alternate Reality, Inc.

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